How to Stop Thinking About What You Don’t Want to Think About: The Ironic Process Theory

Have you ever tried to stop thinking about something, only to find yourself thinking about it more? Maybe you wanted to forget an embarrassing moment, a painful memory, or a tempting craving. Maybe you wanted to avoid a negative emotion, such as fear, anger, or sadness. Maybe you wanted to focus on something else, such as work, study, or sleep.

If you have experienced this frustrating phenomenon, you are not alone. In fact, there is a psychological theory that explains why it happens and how to deal with it. It is called the ironic process theory, and it was first proposed by social psychologist Daniel Wegner in 1987. 

What is the Ironic Process Theory?

The ironic process theory suggests that when we try to suppress or avoid a certain thought or emotion, we may end up having it more often and more intensely. This is because our mind has two processes that work together to control our thoughts and emotions: the controlled process and the automatic process.

• The controlled process is the conscious effort we make to distract ourselves from the unwanted thought or emotion. For example, when we try not to think about a white bear, we may think about something else, such as a red car or a blue sky.

• The automatic process is the unconscious mechanism that monitors whether we are thinking about the unwanted thought or emotion. The catch is that to check if we are thinking about, say, a white bear, it has to bring the concept of the white bear to mind. This system, when triggered, can override the controlled process, leading to counter intentional outcomes. Thus, it ironically keeps the unwanted thought or emotion in our awareness.

The ironic process theory is also known as the white bear problem, because of the famous experiment that Wegner conducted to demonstrate it. He asked participants to verbalize their thoughts for a period of time and instructed them to avoid thinking about a white bear. He also gave them a bell to ring every time they thought about the white bear... He found that participants who tried to suppress the thought of the white bear ended up thinking about it more often than those who were allowed to think about it freely.

Why Does the Ironic Process Theory Matter?

The ironic process theory has important implications for understanding various psychological phenomena, such as obsessive thoughts, post-traumatic stress disorder, and even everyday experiences like insomnia, anxiety, and cravings. It shows that trying to control our thoughts and emotions can sometimes backfire and make them worse. It also shows that some of the strategies we use to cope with them, such as distraction, avoidance, or reassurance, can be ineffective or counterproductive.

For example, if you have a fear of spiders, and you try to avoid thinking about them or looking at them, you may actually increase your fear and anxiety. If you have a traumatic memory, and you try to forget it or push it away, you may actually make it more vivid and intrusive. If you have a craving for chocolate, and you try to resist it or tell yourself that you don’t want it, you may actually make it more tempting and irresistible.

How to Overcome the Ironic Process Theory?

• So, how can we stop thinking about what we don’t want to think about, without falling into the trap of the ironic process theory? Here are some tips and techniques that may help:

Imagine you're that public speaker, standing before a sea of expectant faces. Suddenly, beads of sweat form on your forehead – a telltale sign of nervousness. But instead of spiraling into embarrassment, you decide to play a little mental game. You envision yourself not just mildly sweaty, but fully drenched – as if caught in a wild rainstorm or having taken an impromptu plunge into a pool. 🌧️💦And guess what? This shift in focus works wonders! As you immerse yourself in this mental downpour, the stress begins to ease. The sweating subsides, and you regain control. It's like taming a wild beast – anxiety and stress – with a playful twist.

Now, here's the secret sauce: acceptance. Rather than wrestling with the thought or emotion, you nod at it like an old friend passing by. "Ah, there's the thought," you say, observing it from a third-person perspective. No judgment, no resistance – just acknowledgment.

So, next time you encounter that pesky white bear of a thought, embrace it. Whisper to yourself, "It's okay; it's just a thought passing through." And like all thoughts, it'll eventually waltz away, leaving you free to conquer the stage – sweaty forehead and all!

• Give yourself reassurance and positive affirmations. This can help you cope with the negative emotions that the thought or emotion may cause. Instead of criticizing or blaming yourself, support and encourage yourself. For example, you can say to yourself: “I am doing the best I can, and I am proud of myself. I am strong and capable, and I can handle this.” In this case you are strengthening the controlled process skill set, this will take time to master however results can be in the moment.

• Reality check and challenge the thought or emotion. This can help you see the thought or emotion as irrational or unrealistic, and reduce its impact. Instead of accepting or believing the thought or emotion, question and test it. For example, you can ask yourself: “Is this thought or emotion true? Is it helpful? Is it based on facts or assumptions? What is the evidence for or against it?”

• Talk to someone you trust. This can help you vent your feelings and get support and feedback. Instead of keeping the thought or emotion to yourself, share it with a friend, a family member, or a therapist. For example, you can say to them: “I am having a hard time with this thought or emotion, and I need your help. Can you listen to me and give me some advice?”

• Redirect your anxious energy. This can help you focus on something else that is productive or enjoyable, and distract you from the thought or emotion. Instead of dwelling on the thought or emotion, engage in an activity that requires your attention or makes you happy. For example, you can do something like: exercise, read, play, meditate, or listen to music.

Conclusion

The ironic process theory is a fascinating and useful concept that can help us understand why we sometimes think about what we don’t want to think about, and how to deal with it. By applying the tips and techniques mentioned above, we can overcome the ironic process and free ourselves from the unwanted thoughts and emotions that may bother us. As with any and every skill the goal is to have not a one size fits all but an array of tools at our disposal. We can use these tools to navigate our thoughts in a given circumstance at a given time and to help others with struggles in a way they can connect with. You can still develop the skill of focus and thought control while understanding the ironic process, think of the value of using training wheels while we mastered riding a bike, noted there are now other ways to learn to ride a bike but you see the connection there.

Thanks for reading, my hope in writing these is to inform so that you or someone you know can find value and transform their lives to some degree.

Please comment and share with anyone you know may benefit from reading. 

I love hearing from and learning from others.

Also take a moment to click on your best answer for the question below.

Which Technique Works Most Often For You?

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• Acceptance: the observer detached from the emotion
• Affirmation: Self talk with linguistic programming
• Reality Check: Interrogate the self-limit belief.
• Trusted Advisor: seek advice, hug or vent to trusted friend.

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